How I will be Popular After I Die

I was never one of the “cool kids” growing up. My social circle comprised of other girls who didn’t technically fit in. We were mostly artsy, obsessed with Tumblr, and stayed out of the drama. I never aspired to be part of the sporty, popular, crowd. It honestly seemed exhausting. I later went to a liberal arts college where everyone was neutral in popularity, and then to SMU where well… it was SMU.

However, I was thinking the other night: If I’m not going to be popular in life, then I will in death. Yes, I know it sounds very morbid, but hear me out. In my testament, I will allocate funds to have wifi installed on my grave; very fast wifi. Genius right? Everyone will gather around my burial site for some sweet, high-speed internet connection. Who will spend time laying flowers on their Nana when they could hang out around me to watch all the TikToks they want?

But the journey for these gatherers to get a dose of that internet nectar won’t be as convenient. I’ll make sure that the wifi range is extremely low, so that way they’ll have no choice but to stay at my burial site. Also, they’ll have to follow a series of clues on my tombstone to obtain the password. Maybe I’ll also get a charging station installed for good measure.

Also, my tombstone will be pink with gold foil embossing, no questions asked.